Life goes on

It seems every holiday brings back memories.  The good, bad, and the ugly.   This year as I thought about my granddad’s funeral that I missed last year, I had to struggle to remember why I couldn’t make it there.   I was scared that this year, while anxiously awaiting news of my grandmother’s ailing health, that I’d be in a similar situation.  Then I remembered that last December I had major surgery and couldn’t travel.   It’s amazing how I could forget that that was just a year ago.

So much has happened in the last year that I guess that surgery didn’t make the top 10 bad events in my life; so I didn’t hold on to the memory, and for that I am glad.   I think more than anything, that since we’ve dealt with so many major events in the last year and half that I’m learning to cope with it all a lot better as craziness shows up in our lives.    I also think having friends by your side supporting you no matter what life brings helps too.

There are many days that as I walk into the building where I work I wonder how I get there.  How did we get from my being a stay at home mom and often nearly full time volunteer, to my working, going to college, and having three kids in school.   For a long time I cherished my role as a SAHM.   Within the last year I began to hate my “job” as a full time mommy and needed to do something to change things before I truly lost my sanity.   I have said for years that I was ready to go back to work, but with the expense of childcare we just knew it wasn’t financially possible.   I also talked about the day when I would go back to college, and always planned that it would happen when all of the boys were in school.  It turned out that I was able to start college earlier than planned and for that I am so grateful.  I love learning and am glad I’m one year closer to a degree than had I waited til this fall to start college again.

As the school year approached and the fact that all three boys would be in school all day I began to get hopeful about returning to work in the near future as well.   Things worked out that I was able to find a great job with awesome flexibility in hours that started 2 weeks before the boys started school.   It’s amazing to me how the puzzle peices have fallen into place in the last few months in my life.

As the year draws to an end,  I’m grateful to have a job that lets me be available for my kids in the afternoons and that all of the boys are in school for most of the day so we don’t have to worry about childcare costs eating away at my paycheck, at least until the summer.  I’m thrilled that Dean was able to move from the company he’s been with since 2006 to find something more satisfying in the last few months as well.

There are many things to be thankful for this holiday season, even as we mourn the loss of those we’ve lost in the last year:

12 years of marriage to the love of my life, 3 amazing kids, great jobs, lots of friends (old and new), a dog, a frog (and some crickets we have to keep on hand to feed the frog), an ant farm, a roof over our heads, food in the fridge, warm comfy beds, and a future worth sticking out the bad days for.

Dean sent me a link to something today about a girl with cancer who’s motto is “NGU” which stands for “never give up.”  I think for a long time I thought giving up was an option, that leaving it all behind to find satisfaction elsewhere would “fix” it all.   In the last few months I’ve realized that it’s worth fighting for the future you want and to attain the dreams you have.   Life goes on, sometimes it gets messy and sometimes it’s amazing, but giving up is never an option.   Don’t ever give up on your dreams, as big or as little as they may seem.

And if I haven’t made it clear, a surefire way to be successful is to not go it alone.   There’s a lot to be said for living in community with others.   I know from my past experience, it’s a lot easier to get out of the mess we make for ourselves when you’ve got someone holding your hand and guiding you, or sometimes all it takes it to have someone there to give you a gentle push in the right direction.  Plus, it’s hard to give up when you’ve got the sidelines full of cheerleaders egging you on!

As I think about the year ahead I am most hopeful for all the things to come that I can’t see on the horizon.   For the things God has in store for me and my family that we have no clue are coming our way; some of it may knock us off balance and some it may even knock us flat on the ground, but there’s also so much potential for amazing things to take place that we could never fathom.    This coming year, for me giving up is not an option.   We’ve endured so much and come so far.  Though there may be mountains in the distance, I know it’s all worth getting to the other side.

This holiday, give someone you love the gift that never stops giving: hope.