Seeing as our budget is tight, getting this vacuum on clearance for $58 was heavenly!! It works much better than our old one and we can see how dirty our floors out, which is gross considering I vacuum at least once a day!!

The day w/ four kids in our house was quite interesting, but very worthwhile. Tomorrow night our church is having an ice cream social, and we are looking forward to the ice cream and the socialness of it!! Looks like we might watch the same kids I had today on Saturday so my friend can catch up on some more work. Which will be easy w/ Dean around, although it was pretty easy w/out him. Nap time being the biggest struggle but suprising I yet again pulled off getting 3 kids under the age of 3 to nap all at the same time, or to at least fall asleep w/in the same half hour and they all slept about 2 hours give or take a minute or five !!

Other exciting news, more for Dean than me, is that he got his wireless internet working on the lap top, yes our disconnect notice for BGE comes today and we can afford to hook up wireless internet??? crazy stuff, mostly being we were waiting for Dean's pay check to go in today to pay bills. But the whole idea scares me. Our bills werent that late, and we'll get the payment in in plenty of time, it's just the irony of it all, I guess it's just our priorities. Warped as they are.....but more than anything its the fact Dean got some money from working outside of his regular job and we felt that money was his to spend on him or his interests thus getting the wireless stuff. I am glad he was able to get something he wanted, me I get a vacuum!!!

Ode to the dead vacuum.... we got our vacuum a few months shy of 5 years ago, it would have made it to 5 years in October. Over the last few weeks it has slowly become unusable. My biggest problem is keeping it in one peice while I vacuum. Last night was the about the end, it would just decide to turn itself off as I used it. If I werent babysitting and expecting a visit from my family I'd already have a new vacuum. So I am hoping to get one either tonight or tomorrow. Any suggestions? We dont have too much extra money to use for a vacuum but we really cant live w/out one. At least I cant!

Watching 3 kids, including mine, today. It's been good so far, except the kids dont want to share a thing. And lunch is always hard to try to figure out how to get it together, how to get them to sit and to feed a baby at the same time. But it all works out and I feel a great sense of accomplishment at the end of the day.

In other news, 10 days to Calebs 2 yr old birthday!! i am excited and not all ready for his party. I really need to make games or think of things for adults to do. Other than that nothing really exciting going on.

Last weekend Dean and i went away for the first time since we've had Caleb. We went to Virginia Beach and had a truly refreshing trip, it was hard to decide when to go home. caleb loved spending the weekend w/ his grandparents and uncles. He didnt even care we were gone. He decided he can sing along to songs now and sings constantly no matter what he is doing. The sad part was he decided to share his new talent w/ them before w/ us, but we were able to find out in a special way. We were trying to get Caleb asleep our first night back and of course he didnt want to go to bed so we laid in bed w/ him and as soon as we started singing him songs to sleep he started chiming in loudly w/ most of the correct words in teh song! It was wonderful, it was so sweet. I cried and laughed. he's getting so smart it blows me away. I love my little baby boy so much!! I cant believe it's been 2 years!!!

It's midnight again, another night this week where I'm up late. Just thinking again. I've had a revelation in the last week that instead of just being a stay at home mom I want to be a "friend" to other women who need a listening ear or a word of encouragement. Last week at church our pastor challenged us to think about areas of our life where we'd become complacent, I know that I havent been doing my best to serve others. I've been doing my best to keep the house clean, the kid happy and fed, and the laundry put away. Aside from that I cant say I much impact anyones life. I have a lot more time than other people do so I figure I should put my time and energy to work for a greater cause then a clean house. My first step was to call a friend whom I knew was going through some struggles w/ trying to conceive, as we are and were before Caleb. I called her the day that the pastor challenged us w/ his sermon. I didnt actually make plans to get together w/ her til almost a week later. The days leading up to our meeting I kept reading in our bible study about women who had overcome being barren in the bible and gave birth to mighty men of God. I didnt know that those were going to be the things I studied that week, but it made me more prepared for my meeting w/ my friend. Not only did I feel like I was able to help her out w/ some words of encouragement, but she was able to bless me as well w/ her friendship. I knew I was doing the right thing.

i thought of another mom who needed a friend and sought out what I could do to be there for her. Another day I sought out another new mom who I knew was struggling w/ her new role as a mom and did my best to reach out to her. For the last week I have done my best to impact other womens lives in a loving Godly way. The best feeling I got was after I spoke w/ or saw these women I felt comforted in my heart. I know I was intending for this to be a time for me to reach out to others but out of every experience I took w/ me something that changed me or helped me see myself better. It's funny how God can use us to touch others in need and at the same time help us in our times of need through the way we touch others. Did that make any sense?

I'm not trying to say I've been a great Christian this last week I just wanted to share how easy it is to serve others. It may be just making a phone call to let someone know you are there for them, or it may be babysitting their child so they can breathe for once, it may be as easy as sending a card of encouragement, or as simple as a hug and a smile. Sometimes all people need is a friend. Too often religion is pushed down our throats, I believe it's more important to love one another and to show through loving relationships what Christ's life and love is all about so that others will want to be a part of that type of relationship and in turn will want to serve others w/ that same type of love.

I think for me I've often become content to live my sheltered life and too often forget that life's a lot easier when you've got others around you who are struggling like you are. Misery loves company they say, but I dont know that many people who like to spend a moment of joy all alone either. As humans we have a need to communicate, whether it's about the good the bad or the ugly, we all need to share it with someone. I'm glad I have friends to share with and I hope I can be an active listener and always have open arms for those who dont have friends they can turn to.

I've had a very strangely challenging week, emotionally, physically and spiritually. It's almost too much for me to handle w/out sharing it with someone, so you are the lucky one, thanks for taking the time to read !!!

I started attending a bible study on Friday mornings w/ ladies from our church. We are doing a study called Jesus the One and Only by Beth Moore. There are 5 days of daily reading w/ exercises. I've learned a lot about the bible in the last week and a half but more importantly I've learned a lot about me. Alot about how I need to stop focusing on how to keep control of things in my life when God is always in control. It's been a rushed crazy week for me. More than ever I need to focus on Him, more than ever I have never felt so alone. I wonder if sometimes God sits back quietly waiting for us to break and to give it all over to him completely. I've been to that point before, this week I've cried over so many things and then cant explain why I got so upset. A lot is going on w/ me and the stresses in our home are overwhelming me. Mind you Dean and I are doing fine, had some rough times but otherwise good. It's mostly money and work related and just plain life beating me up.

I am soooo looking forward to this weekend. Dean and I are going away for two days without Caleb. Dean's parents are coming to stay at our house tomorrow night through Monday and we are taking the oppurtunity to go to Virginia Beach w/ friends. We really cant afford much but thankfully we wont have much expense other than food. I am looking forward to a time of refreshing relaxation although I am sure I will miss my baby boy.

Aside from the busy-ness of life lately, I've actually had a lot of time to be with a few close friends. Last Friday I got together w/ a friend I dont know very well but am trying my best to be open for. Monday night a couple from our small group came over for dinner. My closest friend and I have been spending a lot of time together, which is good cause our kids love each other. Spent tuesday visiting an old friend who has a daughter a year older than Caleb. The kids had fun and we got a chance to talk, and it was good for me.

Like I said it's been an emotional week for me. New pains, old pains, love, sadness, joys and laughter. In the midst of it all I've found my biggest comfort in the words of the song: I'm here to meet w/ you, come and meet w/ me....I'm here to find you, reveal yourself to me...as I wait you make me strong, as I stand you draw me to your arms ....wont you come wont come and fill this place

Free time?! I never thought that would happen during the day, let alone on a day when I am watching Caleb and two other kids, a 2 1/2yr old and a 10 month old. All the kiddos are actually napping!! It wasnt quite as hard as I pictured it would be and I am bursting w/ pride that I got it accomplished, the house is in tact and dinner is just waiting to be put in the oven!! Yah for me!! i dont think I could do any other job quite as well as I do the staying home mom and caretaker of house and all other things that we get to do all day long!! Now if I could just muster up the nerve to call the guy to tell him I dont want the job! I hate to turn down a job but I just dont think it's worth it. I dont want to make the wrong choice but I am not getting much incentive to go to work. I just pray after I make this decision the bills still get paid!!

Advice please!!! to work for $7/hour and find a sitter or to stay home. I dont even think thats enough money to be worth paying a sitter. I got a job though, at Lane Bryant, they want me to start next Tuesday. Mostly working nights and weekends w/ one daytime shift per week, so about 5 days a week just not a lot of hours a day except for the one daytime shift. I am so unsure right now. I've started to get a job so many times and I just cant manage to get the little money I'll actually bring home to outweigh the joy I have w/ my job as a stay at home mom and wife, nor do I see my being able to enjoy being a mom and wife if I we never get family time once I go to work. I think I've made up my mind but I hate to let down another chance to maybe make some money, even if it's not much at all. Any ideas?????

natures cruel little jokes: I was four days late w/ my period, we were getting very excited about being pregnant, then I find out I am not. it's been a sad day and my heart is quite broken and I dont understand why I was so late other than maybe all my dieting affecting my body too much. Luckily I've got some great girlfriends who were very encouraging today.

Despite my broken heart, I went on to host our small group bbq at our house. only about half of our original group showed up, but it ended up being about 10 adults, 3 toddlers, and two babies. We had a great time eating, talking, playing some games. We were able to enjoy our meal outside only to get finished as a storm started brewing. It ended up being good though, we came in and played some games and let the kids enjoy the playroom. It feels like we have finally found where we belong as far as friends and a church. it's a great feeling. It's a great feeling to have a girlfriend(or two) I can confide everything in again and her in me, and to have her be able to relate.

I have tons of things to accomplish in the nex few weeks, before Monday though the most important is preparing and mailing out b-day invites for Caleb's party. it's less than a month away!! I love hosting, the stress of getting ready for it is a little much at times but the end result is a great feeling of accomplishment and pride. I also need to finish prior to his birthday, his scrapbook for the last year, I am only up until dec 2002!! I am sooo behind! Speaking of behind, I am way behind in my sleep so I think I'll go write out a few invites to Caleb's party and then head to bed. Hope everyone has a good weekend!!

Not quite sure where to start. It's been a little while since I've blogged and every day I sit here and think about the things I need to write out for you but I just cant force myself to abandon a house-full of chores and a kid to do so. So here I am finally deciding to do it since the house is semi clean, the laundry is doing itself at the moment, and Caleb is napping.

After a last minute decision at 3:00pm on Thursday July 3rd we packed up and headed out to Ohio for the long weekend. The drive took forever, coming and going. Caleb has started getting car sick on long trips so that didnt help at all. Then once there he had 3 serious falls to the head after which he spent a lot of time throwing up, he no doubt had/has a concussion but no one but me was concerned enough so we didnt take him to the er just kept cleaning up throw up all night! He's doing much better now that he is home and is even taking a lengthy nap for me now. We went swimming a lot which is one of Caleb's favorite things to do. We got to get together w/ some old friends who have had babies since we've left. I cried when we left them. I was just getting very close to them when we were getting ready to move and now that we are all mothers it would be great to be closer to them so the kids could grow up together as friends too. The last few times we went to visit they were both out of town so we didnt see them, so it worked out great this time that we could get together. Going back always make me play the what if game and thats so hard emotionally. Especially when I come back here to such uncertainities about our finances and having to go to work. There I know I could get a job to fill the hours I want and that they would work w/ me but here I am lost. The job market here sucks as does the pay scale. but we will survive, another month has passed and the bills got paid albiet at the very last minute!

In a month Caleb will turn 2 and I've yet to plan or even decide how big a party we will have for him. We are not financially able to throw a bash like we did last year but I want to have everyone that can be, be here. I am devoting this week to thinking that one through. Speaking of birthdays, today is my sister in law's birthday, happy birthday Amy!! (yes both of us are named Amy)

I'm a bit on the down side today so I wont bore you with more emotions but I hope to be writing more if Caleb can stick to a good nap schedule!!